My love affair with the Westboro Baptist Church

Found in a publication by the Westboro Baptist Church (?)

In response to this...

Dear Shirley, Margie, Fred #6 or Fred #7 (The four bloggers on www.godhatesfags.com),

Do all bridges that fall do so because of homosexuality, or just the Minneapolis bridge? Also, I'm looking for an economic way to keep my family healthy. Do you recommend multivitamins or condemnation of homosexuals?

Josh

Their response to me:

Hello little girl. Do your parents know you're playing on the computer?

Every calamity in this land today is a direct result of the proud arrogant sin of this doomed fag-enabling nation. But then you already knew that.

The more important thing to know about all bridges and all highways in Doomed & Perverted america is this: They exist for one reason, and one reason only, to wit, so the saints of God can travel them to bring to the eyes and ears of this entire land GOD HATES AMERICA, AMERICA IS DOOMED, GOD IS YOUR TERRORIST, and similar prophesies. The very instant we are done with that job, this place is going to melt with a fervent heat, every bridge and highway will crumble or dissolve before your eyes, and all you little smartalecks will be looking for a place to hide. It'll be too late then.

No one will be able to stand before the White Throne who lived in Our Day and claim they didn't hear the words. On a very rare occasion our message will reach the heart of one of God's little sheep, and they will rejoice and be healed. The rest of this dark-hearted land will become furious, and be hardened in their resolve against the King. By that means, the highways and bridges are an important instrument in condemning every Doomed american --
including you.

As for keeping your "family" healthy, that's an easy one Jughead Josh -- OBEY GOD! See how nicely that works? :-)

Magormissabib.

From this, I draw seven (and therefore holy) revelations:

1) Girls now have penises.
2) Structural instability in modern engineering is not the product of faulty materials or wear-and-tear. Rather, we can all do our part in keeping things from breaking by not touching ourselves at night.
3) The highway and interstate system of America was never intended for quick deployment of our military in the event of an attack on our soil, much to Eisenhower's chagrin.
4) The Minnesota bridge collapsed because Westboro Baptist Church was done using it.
5) Sarcasm has no place in the Kingdom of God.
6) The highways will rise against us when they become self-aware.
7) No on the multivitamins.