Hey life... ya done yet?

Cute. What are you looking for?

Mostly friends, but play's alright every once in a while. I'm open-minded in that area. How about you?

I don't "play," and I avoid those who do. It's not my thing.

Well, those who play tend to avoid me, but ... so does anyone I wish would just date me. So I guess that's that?

I don't hook-up, and I keep clear of those who do. It says a lot about one's character -- or lack thereof.

Yep, there's that final bullet to my self-esteem. Time to listen to Death Cab and concede that 2006 was, in fact, the last year I'd ever have a boyfriend.

I do think you're cute.

Cute but poisonous.

Ok, well take care and good luck finding whatever/whomever you're looking for. So long!

You know what I'm honestly looking for? I want to find a guy who's stuck in the years when Pete and Pete and Are You Afraid of the Dark were still on Nickelodeon. I'm looking for a guy who still has anxiety before he gets onto the big rollercoasters at the theme parks. I'm looking for a guy who remembers what the Super Nintendo was and who will still fight to say it was better than the Sega Genesis even though they both died off 14 years ago. I want somebody who hasn't quite grown up and isn't even sure he wants to.

 

And to be completely honest, I only mentioned play fleetingly because I had no idea what you might be looking to find on ******. I guess it was just my turn to get caught in a sting.

next time, be honest. you never know who's on the other end. don't tell someone what you "think" he wants to hear because in the end, it might not be what he wants to hear after all.

g'nite.

You'll have to forgive me if I'm not completely gracious toward your pious lesson. I'm honest as often as I can be and it hasn't won me any gratitude, sympathy, or love. And as high on your pedestal as you are, I'm sure it's tough for you to see me crying myself to sleep more nights than most people should.

Douche bag.

Sent from my iPhone

You call me a douche bag when you don't even know my name? I've spent the first year and a half of college shattered over the first guy in my life who's ever been fully compassionate toward me leaving, and I spent the next year and a half trying to recollect myself AGAIN after finally meeting somebody else that I clicked with. I have been spit upon and ignored my entire life by the people who were supposed to be my friends, and by the people who call themselves my family. So yes, sometimes I cave in and go for the opportunity to have a little closeness in my life.

 

Fine, maybe that makes me damaged, but I am not, nor will you ever have the right to call me, a douche bag.

Author's note: fuck...

Dear Madam Gaga

In order for something to be an innuendo, it must first be a real thing.  This is in reference to the term "Disco Stick."  There is no such thing as a disco stick.  There has never been a prevalence of sticks in disco culture.  I formally declare that your lyrics are stupid.

Sincerely,
The Undersigned.

Sending out an S.O.S.

I got off of Skype with a friend and started hearing a squeaking in my earbuds. I didn't know what might be the cause, so I didn't know what I should do. Then I started hearing a pattern to the squeaks. They're pulses. They come in clusters separated by about five seconds of silence and groups separated by about one second of silence. I've read about codes like this before in one of my math classes, but it doesn't make any sense to me.

3-2-2
2-2-3
3-3-2
3-2-2
2-2-2-1
1-2
2-1
1-1-1
1-1-4-1
1-1-1-1-1
This cluster is singled out because it doesn't follow the rule of the numbers adding up to 7, 8, or 9.
5-2-1
3-2-2
2-2-2-1
4-2-2
2-2-2-1
2-2-2-1
2-2-2-1
2-2-2-1
2-3-1-1
3-1-2-1
2-1-2-2
2-2-2-1
3-2-1-1
3-3-2
3-3-2
4-3-1
3-4-1
3-3-2
2-3-3
5-3
3-3-2
2-2-2-1
3-2-2
2-2-2-1
3-2-2
5-3
6-3
2-2-2-1
2-2-2-1
2-2-2-1
2-3-2
3-3-2
3-2-2
3-3-2
3-2-1-1

I lost track of them after this point, but they kept going. A friend of mine suggested I restart to see if it was a hardware glitch. So I did, and they stopped, but only after I completed the login sequence.

If anyone knows what sort of code this was, or what sort of code it resembles, can you give me a shout?

Random thought of the night

I've never been skinny dipping.  I wonder how it feels.  I was always afraid to take the risk, but what's the risk, really?  Can someone tell me?

Blue morning, blue morning, wrapped in strands of fist and bone

I made a new friend recently.  We haven't talked very often, but we've generally talked about things that are a little deeper than surface.  

Tonight, I shared a post from this blog with him, and he asked me if I still feel the way I did when I wrote it.  I said I do, and then told him that I use the stars as a frame of reference for times like these.  See, the stars are fixed in the sky, so compared to them, it's hard to say we're really moving at all.  He suggested that I should probably change my reference point if that's not how I wanted to feel.  He said that it was important that I be who I feel I am on the inside, no matter what others' opinion of my doing so is.

And the whole thing reminded me a lot of Counting Crows...

"Curiosity, kitten,
Doesn't have to mean youre on your own
You can look outside your window
He doesn't have to know
We can talk awhile, baby
We can take it nice and slow"

And a little later,

"There's a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish you'd let me in"

Of course, I'd always heard "bird that nests" as "perfectness," but either image leads to the wings, and to not having to wander in solitude.  If I don't want to live my life closed off from everyone, I shouldn't have to.  And if I want to feel like I'm going somewhere, all I have to do is go somewhere.

My new reference point... I think it should be how much I've learned about life.

Whoops

I meant to write last night but I ended up not. I'll make up for it today.

I think that there are definite signs to be heeded in our daily lives. They can be little things that we don't even realize we're supposed to notice, they can be big things so big that we lose the message of them in the shock of the event happening. Usually they're hidden in the details, and can take a small amount of imagination to uncover. Some people will argue that they don't exist then, but I think that those people choose not to see signs because it's easier to live life without turning your head and looking around. (to their credit, they're right; it is easier to live that way)

It happens often, though, if you're receptive to it. The present structure of the signs tells me that whatever I'm hoping for this summer, it won't happen now. If I try to force the point, it'll just crash in on me.

I want to believe that these signs promise something will develop with the guy that apologized... but that's a very long way out and I shouldn't let my heart beat for a moment that might not ever come.

Tech 'n Talk

I'm waiting for a lot of things. I'm waiting for summer to be over, I'm waiting for love to find me, I'm waiting for my sister to get out of the shower, and I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

Well, in no more than an estimated 12 hours, I can cross one of the things I've been waiting for off my list. It's been about a year since the last major update to the iPhone OS, and soon Apple will be releasing their next big update: iPhone OS 3.0.

This is really exciting for anybody with an iPhone or iPod Touch because it adds a ton of functionality to the device. The majority of the upgrades are technical features, but they allow for pretty exciting stuff. Push notifications, for instance, allow applications to send updates to your device when there's new content available without the need for that application to be running.

Another huge feature is the ability to cut, copy, and paste text not only within individual apps, but across every app on your device. Got a link in Safari you want to share in Twitter? Done. Got an address you need to send to your dumb friend Gina because she lost the directions to the party? Done. Got a... thing that... needs pasting into... something else? ._.

In other news, my mom called a family discussion about cars and such and the topic arose that the car I used to have was supposed to be my graduation present, given to me a bit earlier than normal. I asked about if my parents had put any thought into what my sister's college graduation present would be, and then made the point that my high school graduation present was a lot smaller than my sister's, so I just wanted to know what hers would be like. My mom contested that my high school graduation present was a laptop and not a $300 MP3 player. I corrected her on this point and made it clear that my graduation present was some $800 than my sister's. After dinner she hugged me, apologized (apologies abound these past ten days), and then said she knew what I meant on the walk last night.

Two humanized people in ten days. Maybe this summer is turning out differently than the last two. Even if just in small amounts, it makes me hopeful for the rest.