10:25: Right. Let's just get through today, then wake up and get through tomorrow. Then Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, in that order.
10:28 That was funny. Why do I always make those quips?
10:33 I need more oatmeal squares. Juice would be good, too.
10:35 I think I'll write all of these down. Oh, I also need to do laundry.
10:38 Grocery shopping an acceptable way to spend the morning? Why not?
10:39 Blue playlist. Yay, melancholy.
10:43 I should clear out my Yahoo list. I know all the lyrics to "Hallelujah."
10:46 A firetruck just drove by. There must be something serious going down, there was also a cop car in the Village lot.
10:53 I sing "My Sundown" too often or the lyrics to be true anymore when I say "I'm gonna be so much more than they."
10:57 I kept him on my list. What's that saying? Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Funny... He was the one to tell me that. Alright... Bye, TJ.
11:02 Is there really nobody here like me? Who just wants a place to rest his head?
11:03 Right. Groceries.
11:11 I wish that he DOESN'T talk to me today.
11:14 Moderate downpour, not good for groceries.
11:33 I haven't ended a year on a high note since junior year of high school.
12:07 Hanging out with friends brings out this strange, post-sadness laughing. About just ridiculous things.
12:20 There's that sickness in my stomach. I should get moving.
12:41 Still in my friends' room. I should go now though.
12:44 Bad rain today. It smells like a lake now.
12:53 I keep using Omegle as if it's ever fulfilling. I keep doing a lot of things as if they're fulfilling...
12:56 I can't cry. Why not?
I should move again
12:59 I'm reminded of when I asked for a video game after my sister got back from New Mexico.
1:02 I really should go to a counselor.
1:06 I could write a short story.
1:13 My wallet always feels unnaturally thin.
1:16 I still need to do laundry and go shopping.
1:20 Just experienced my first city curb splash. It felt appropriate.
1:22 Maybe I should consider grad school in NYC
1:33 Got a weird look from two people in class as I sat down.
1:39 I can't remember what it was like when facebook was social.
1:40 God, I've only been here seven minutes.
1:49 What do I do about this other than just wait for it to go away?
1:49 I'd try my yellow list, but... I just don't feel ready for that yet.
1:54 I just want to lay down on a couch that isn't mine.
2:02 Damn.
2:12 A friend: "What are you doing? Are you still wandering?" Me: "Basically."
2:21 Found a couch. This will be a very unproductive time.
6:06 I ended up hanging out with friends for the past three and a half hours, but now that I'm back in my room... I feel just as down as before.
6:39 Yeah. I'm way down.
Monday, April 27
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3 comments:
I'm sorry to hear that you're down. I watched your latest youtube video and thought I'd check and see what the blog had to say.
I like watching your videos, but it's understandable if you feel it is no longer helping you.
"1:22 Maybe I should consider grad school in NYC"
I don't know you from Adam, but I would recommend serious considering this. It sounds like you could use a change and grad school in NYC is exciting, if expensive. I should know--I'm currently a PhD student in Sociology at CUNY.
That being said (and in as much as I can try to make this offer without being creepy) grad school in a new city can be isolating at first, so if you do end up in NYC and want someone to talk to, I'll buy you an overpriced coffee.
Feel better,
Andrew
(again, I know that I don't know you, but I felt the need to try to offer some form of comfort. Hope it wasn't too wierd.)
Thanks. I wouldn't allow comments if I didn't appreciate them. I'll let you know when/if I'm in the city.
hey,
its unfortunate to hear what you are going through at the moment.
I myself been there before and the funny thing about it, is that, you really just want to feel the bottom of it, and like cry. sometimes, it even crossed my mind about suicidal. however, a friend of mine told me that suicide is a very self-fish approach, as its inflicting pain on others around you who love and care for you.
my advice for you would be, to take time off for yourself and isolate yourself. preferably in a natural surrounding allowing the mental space for you reflect on things and breathe.
at the same time, dont forget to maintain some communication, complete isolation doesn't work.
if you do not want to talk to friends and family, try talking with strangers. different people with different perspective on life.
im currently in sydney australia, studying at uni as well. despite the time and location difference i'll be more than happy to talk to you if you'd like. you can reach me on chouking@yahoo.com
take care there. all the best.
chou king. (ck)
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